Another Sonnet
The infinite in cities is a threadof endless steel. Entwined in private lives,were masked in obligations made of lead.The whole metallic buzz within our hivesconducts our business in veins of copper...
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moto--it seems to me you shoot for the high poetic mode, with constuctions like "veins of copper red" or "God's golden plans." You try to use symbolic imagery, & cool, fine, no problem... but if...
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mike, thank you for the thoughtful critique. I noticed some of the meter issues you wrote about and I fixed them before you replied but I guess you had prepared your remarks before I edited it. No...
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Apart from the issues of meaning, which have been discussed by others, what strikes me here is that the adjectives so often intrude. With little difficulty, this might be a tetrameter sonnet:"of...
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Margaret, it's funny that you mention that because often I find myself composing a tetrameter line and then having to come up with an extra foot to make a pentameter line. It's almost as if my ear is...
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DON'T pad tetrameter to turn it into pentameter. I wish I could write tetrameter better. As much as I love the traditional sonnet in iambic pentameter, and at the risk of being assassinated, I will...
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